


Time Enough to Write an Epic Poem

by Chash



Series: In Rocking Chairs of Gold [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-12 10:48:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16871542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chash/pseuds/Chash
Summary: Bellamy was always prepared, on some level, to have some kind of meltdown when Octavia graduated from college. But he's been doing pretty well lately, is generally proud, thinks that he might be fine with it.Then it turns out Octavia is going to teach abroad and Clarke is pregnant, and he spirals. Which everyone saw coming.





	Time Enough to Write an Epic Poem

**Author's Note:**

> Fill for [dutch-tv-fan](http://dutch-tv-fan.tumblr.com/)!

Bellamy knows that Octavia didn't pick a college in the Boston area just to delay his impending freakout about her growing up and moving away, but that was a side-effect of Boston College being her favorite place that she visited. It had felt like a good kind of compromise, her leaving the house but not _leaving_ , and Bellamy hadn't even minded that much. He loves his sister, but he really shouldn't have had Octavia in the first place. When she left for college, his life fell into the place where it was probably supposed to be: he was a twenty-seven-year-old guy with a good job, a house, and a wife. If anything, he was ahead of the game. 

So he was doing well. Octavia was close enough that she came home to do laundry sometimes, but it was mostly just him and Clarke, living in something like domestic bliss. There wasn't any reason to think that would change, once Octavia finished college. 

It's about a month before said finishing of college when she says, "Hey, I got a job."

"Yeah? Awesome, congrats. That's amazing."

"Right? It's a one-year gig teaching English in Japan, but if I like it I can extend my contract for longer."

Bellamy's heart stops. "What?"

"Did I not tell you I was applying for that?"

"O--"

"It's a job, and a cool one! I get a place to live and I get to see a whole new part of the _world_. How is that not awesome?"

"If you really thought I'd think it was awesome, you would have told me."

"Just because you don't think it's good, that doesn't mean you're right. I knew you wouldn't like it, but I didn't want to have this fight unless I actually got it. Which I did."

There's an undeniable logic to it, not that it helps. His paranoid overprotectiveness is something his sister can plan around, something she has to factor into whatever she tells him. How many things must she have thought about doing that he doesn't know about because she didn't trust him not to blow up?

"You did," he agrees, releasing his breath on a long exhalation. "And you're excited?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. Tell me why, so I get it."

And to be fair to Octavia, she's not lacking in reasons. She's never left Boston and has always wanted to travel, she actually kind of likes teaching, and she wanted to see what it was like to be on her own without completely giving up a safety net. She looked into dozens of programs, compared them, and applied to a bunch, but this was her favorite, and she got in.

The least he can do is be happy for her. 

"Sorry," he says, soft. "That you couldn't tell me."

"I learned my lesson from the college conversation. Don't get me wrong, I loved BC, but every time I talked about liking anywhere out of town, you shut down."

Bellamy doesn't remember it like that, but he's never had as good a poker face as he thinks he does. He goes blank and thinks that will solve the problem, but his sister _knows_ what a blank face means. He wasn't fooling her.

"I know it takes me some time to get used to--I just want you to be happy. I'll get over myself."

"I know," she says, her tone an eyeroll. "You haven't stopped me doing anything I want to do, Bell. I just don't tell you everything all the time."

"I guess that's probably fine. Did you tell Clarke?"

"Some, not everything. I told her I got this first so she'd be ready for your freakout."

"You know you don't have to manage my emotions for me, right?"

"I don't do it for you, I do it for me. I want to minimize having to fight with you. Don't act like you don't do it too."

She's right, of course. He picks and chooses his fights with his sisters as much as he can, avoids it as much as possible, which is most of the time, these days. He doesn't need to run his every decision by his sister, not even most of them. 

"I know I do," he tells her. "When do you leave?"

"A week after graduation."

"Congrats. I'm really happy for you."

"Thanks. I'm so excited," she admits, sounding like a giddy little girl, excitement gushing out. "I can't wait."

He's not going to miss out on these conversations; he doesn't want her to have to weigh whether or not it's worth the fight to tell him what's going on in her life. He's going to deal with this, be better.

So he goes to Clarke, sinks down next to her on the couch and puts his head in her lap with a sigh.

"Octavia told you?"

"Yeah."

"You okay?"

"I feel like an asshole."

"If it helps, she's twenty-two, which is how old I was when I wasn't telling my mom that I was marrying some random guy I found on craigslist. So you could be doing a lot worse."

"Jesus," he says, with a soft laugh. "I can't believe we did that. O's way too young to get married."

"We weren't _really_ getting married. I didn't think it was going to last."

"It shouldn't have." He takes her left hand, turning it over to look at the rings on her finger. The first is still his grandmother's, but he bought her another on their fifth anniversary, a plain gold band, but it matches, makes the engagement ring look like part of a set. He never gets tired of seeing them on her, the tangible proof of their marriage, modified and improved after years together.

"I guess going to Japan for a year is a less major life decision than getting married to a stranger."

"If she doesn't like it, she can get out of it easier, yeah." She gives his hand a squeeze when he lets go of the ring. "Do you want me to distract you?"

He frowns. "That doesn't sound like a come-on."

"It's not, no. I have news."

He straightens up, frowning. "News? What kind of news?"

"I'm pregnant."

It's somehow not a total surprise and a complete shock at the same time. They'd talked about the possibility of kids a few months back, at Christmas, and decided that they could handle having some, and they could start trying, and if Clarke wasn't pregnant by the next Christmas, they would reassess. If he's honest, Bellamy had been assuming that would happen, without any good reason. When he was younger, he was convinced he'd gotten someone pregnant every time he had sex, no matter how much protection they used, but somehow marriage had him convinced that _trying_ to get pregnant would never work.

"Holy shit," he breathes. "Really?"

"According to the test I bought, yeah."

"When did you buy it?"

"This morning, when you were in the shower. I went around the block to CVS."

That stops him short. "Why then? Why didn't you tell me?"

She buries her face against his shoulder. "Honestly? I felt kind of stupid even buying it. I know it doesn't make sense, but I couldn't believe I was _right_. I didn't want to tell you until I took the test. I know it doesn't make sense."

"No," he says, smiling and kissing her hair. "That makes total sense. I just, uh--after the thing with Octavia, I was kind of worried you didn't tell me because you didn't want me to overreact."

She kisses his shoulder. "No, I don't do that. I'm not Octavia, don't worry. I tell you stuff. I would have told you if the test had been negative, too, I just--I needed to know first. If I was right or not."

"And you were." He exhales. "And you're pregnant."

"I'm pregnant. Probably like--seven weeks along, maybe? I don't know. I missed two periods, so something around that, but we'll have to go to a doctor to be sure."

"I really didn't think it was going to work," he admits. "Not this soon, anyway."

"It did feel kind of theoretical, yeah. It's weird that you can decide you're ready to maybe have kids and just start trying and then--that's it. Not that this is--it could be a false positive, and it's still pretty early, and--"

Bellamy tugs her closer, gives her hair a kiss. "Breathe. Are you happy about this? You don't have to be."

"I am." She laughs, a strange, disbelieving kind of laugh. "I think I was just so focused on reminding myself that it wasn't going to happen overnight and I needed to be patient that I wasn't thinking about it actually _happening_ , you know?"

"I definitely know." He lets out a breath. "Okay, so, uh--pregnancy. That's happening. Let's say you're eight weeks along, that means we've got about thirty weeks to go, which is--seven and a half months? And the baby's due in October or November?"

"Something like that. I'll call the doctor on Monday and set up an appointment, and then we'll get more information." She groans. "Fuck, I'm going to have to stop drinking."

"We're going to have to clear out the computer room and make it into a nursery."

"To be fair, no one has a _computer room_ anymore," she teases. "Not even us. It's just storage."

"Which means there's way more to clear out than there would have been if we just had a computer in there."

Clarke's smile is still growing. "Remember when you tried to convince me I could live in there?"

"Your standards were just way too high. I figured anyone who was marrying some guy on craigslist to save on rent would be happy to get whatever room I had. And wouldn't actually want to share with me."

"Instead you got me," she says. "And your kid's going to be the one who gets the room."

"Fuck," he says, dropping his head back onto the couch. "Our _kid_. We're actually having a kid."

"Assuming everything goes well. It's still early, so--"

"Yeah." He laughs. "Fuck."

"We don't have to keep it."

"No, that's not what I--I just can't believe it. Unless, uh--do you want to keep it?" he asks, a little belatedly. 

"Yeah, I do. I think I was just expecting more of a break between Octavia leaving and us having another kid."

"She's leaving in a month," he points out. "We'll have a while between that and the baby."

"Spoken like the guy who isn't going to be growing a human inside him for that whole time."

"Good point. But we're doing this."

She rests her head on his shoulder. "We're doing this."

*

In theory, Bellamy shouldn't actually _need_ anything to distract him at the end of the semester. The end of the semester is basically hell for him, and the fact that he's thinking of AP exams as something that's distracting him from Octavia leaving and Clarke's pregnancy is actually kind of worrying. AP exams are supposed to be the worst part of every spring.

And in a way, of course, it is the worst part. In no universe is his wife's pregnancy _bad_ , let alone his sister graduating college with a good job she's excited about. That's all awesome, and in some ways not nearly as stressful as the end of the semester and wondering how his kids are going to do on their tests. 

But at least with the tests, he feels like he has some degree of control. The kids are the ones taking the actual exams, but he gets to prep them and answer their questions and he has a good idea of what success looks like. It's largely out of his control, but he resent them if they fuck up.

It's not pleasant, but it's not an existential issue, and that makes it a novel distraction.

Unfortunately, it only lasts into mid-May, and then the tests are over and the distraction is just gone, the relief he usually feels when exams are done immediately eaten up by anxiety about the baby he can't even tell is _there_ yet, this kid who might not actually make it to being born.

So he calls his sister.

"You're calling me?" she asks, frown audible in her voice. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's actually wrong. I'm freaking out and I figure you're an adult now, so I should talk to you about it before I do something stupid."

"Let me guess, you googled something about my new job and you think I'm going to die. Did you check Snopes? It's probably bullshit."

"No, it's not that. It's, uh--Clarke is pregnant."

He did tell Clarke he was telling O, so it's not like he's doing anything wrong, but it feels a little anticlimactic, a little risky. It should be a big deal, and they should be telling her later, when it's less likely to jinx it. They should go out to dinner and make a production of it, but there will be time to do that later. Clarke's pregnancy isn't going anywhere.

"Congratulations. Are you not happy? I feel like you should be happy."

"I don't want to let myself be happy yet. I'm thinking about everything that could go wrong. There's so much."

Octavia pauses. "Oh wow, yeah. This must be like a pretty major crisis for you, huh? Like--pregnancy is a minefield."

"Pretty much."

"So why are you telling me?"

He runs a hand through his hair. "I'm asking you for a favor."

"What kind of favor?"

"I want you to let me stress out about you so I won't be worrying about the baby."

Another long pause, and then she laughs. "Seriously, Bell?"

"I think it would help."

"It would help _you_."

"Yeah, we're talking about me."

"What do you even have to worry about? With me, I mean. It's an established program with a good reputation. This is, like, really normal. Not a crisis."

"I can find something. I'm really good at worrying."

"But you don't want to be worrying about Clarke."

"I don't need to do anything else to stress her out. We're already going to be--there's so much that can go wrong, I don't need to be dwelling on it."

"So you want my permission to find stuff to worry about with me so that you and Clarke won't end up in some stupid stress spiral."

"There's only so much we can do to avoid that. But yeah, I want to get it as under control as I can, so--"

"You know how weird this is, right?"

"I do, yeah. You're an adult now, right? That means you get involved in adult conversations, like how having a baby is scary and I'm going to be melting down for the next eight months. And that's assuming everything goes _well_."

"You know, you sounded less worried about marrying a stranger from craigslist than you do about having a baby with her."

"Marriage is less of a commitment than a baby."

She goes quiet again, and this is the time it occurs to him how rare that is, how encouraging. His sister is actually thinking things over, measuring her responses, taking care. She really _is_ growing up.

"I really thought you were ruining your life for me, you know. When you and Clarke got married."

"I know. You told me."

"Yeah, but I never felt like you _got it_. I didn't know how to explain it."

"Sorry?"

"No, it's just--I don't know. You're having a _baby_ , and it should be the best news ever, and you're telling me you need me to be your distraction. You need to work on appropriate emotional responses."

"I'm happy. Jesus, O. I'm so happy I don't know how to be this happy. I'm not going to figure it out until I'm holding the baby, and maybe not even then. I'm not supposed to be this lucky."

"Okay," she says, in her most authoritative, decisive tone. "Here's what we're doing. I've got another week of classes and then exams, so I need to get through those. Feel free to read every horror story you can about Americans getting stabbed abroad. Pretend I'm going to another country if it helps. And then once I'm done and on my way to Japan, I'll send you updates on how I'm doing that you can't verify that are full of red flags."

"You're going to send me fake crises?" he asks.

"Yup. Nothing _that_ bad, always stuff I can deal with, but something you can fret about as much or as little as you need to."

"Is it bad that that sounds really good to me right now?"

"It's like subscribing to one of those puzzle of a day things, but specially tailored to your neuroses."

"Thanks, O. Really."

"If making up stories is going to help you get through this pregnancy, it's the least I can do. Is Clarke there? Can I talk to her?"

"She's in the other room. I can get her."

"Yeah, I want to tell her congratulations and make sure she's doing okay. See if she needs any weird services from me."

"You actually turned out all right, huh?"

"I tried, anyway. Really, though," she says, serious. "Congratulations. You guys are going to be awesome parents."

"We worked all the kinks out on you, so--"

"So you've got this."

It's not exactly easy to believe, but it's getting easier.

"Yeah," he says. "Somehow."

*

"Is this Octavia thing going to help you too, or am I the only one with that specific hangup?"

Clarke has her head in his lap as she reads, which is nice, and Bellamy can't help letting his eyes stray to her stomach, even though her pregnancy being obvious at this point would actually be a huge red flag. It's not like he actually expects to _see_ anything, just the knowledge that a few cells will be a living, breathing human in under a year in there is almost unreal. 

He remembers his mother being pregnant, of course. He was old enough when Octavia was born that he followed a lot of it, helped out when Aurora was achy or cranky or needed some obscure food from the store. But he hadn't really cared much about Octavia until he saw her, until she was this little, wrinkly thing staring up at him in awe. That was when he had a sister.

Children, apparently, kick in earlier.

"She did ask if I wanted her to do anything for me."

"And?"

"And keeping you distracted is a public service."

He kisses her forehead. "I haven't been that bad, right?"

"No, you haven't." She grins. "Your paranoia about worrying means you're really holding back on stressing."

"Good for me. You don't need anything?"

"I told Octavia she should send me updates without any lies in them so I can give you answers if you're worrying too much."

"Probably a good idea. But you know you can tell me how you're feeling too. I'm not too far gone to help with whatever you're going through."

"I'm trying to be fine," she says, with a determination that makes him smile. "Nothing bad has even happened yet. If we start overthinking now, we'll melt down before the end of the first trimester."

"So how are you avoiding it?"

"For one thing, I don't have summers off and I'm not worried Octavia is going to die."

"And that helps?"

"You've got two big changes and no distractions. Which is why I liked the Octavia plan." 

"Because I'm going to distract myself from one crisis with another one?"

Clarke smiles. "The two crises being your sister graduating from college and the baby we're excited to be having?"

"That would be them, yeah. I know it's stupid."

"It's a lot of change all at once. I was hoping the baby was going to help, but I should have known it was too much."

"I feel shitty that I've just been stressing non-stop since you got pregnant."

"I get it. You were going to be stressing non-stop about this anyway, the pregnancy is just the icing on the cake. But you'll get over this hump in a few weeks."

"You think?"

"As soon as I start having actual pregnancy symptoms and we have real information about how the baby is doing, you're going to be fine."

"Yeah, that's true."

"And once Octavia goes to Japan and doesn't die."

"I know. I just--"

"It's a lot."

"It's _good_. I should be happy."

"You are," she says, with reassuring confidence. "Right?"

That's less reassuring. But the answer is still easy. "Incredibly. My life is amazing."

"Your brain just needs to catch up. It'll get there."

"And you're good," he says. "You're not keeping anything else quiet because I can't handle it, right? Because I could."

"I'm not. I'm nervous, but you know that. Mostly we're waiting. And I'm glad you're outsourcing your stress to Octavia."

"Yeah, me too. I figured she'd be pissed, but she actually sounded kind of excited about making up lies to try and fool me into thinking her life sucks."

"I think she's going to be really good at it."

"Me too." He sighs. "She really is growing up, huh."

"She is. And it's good. We're going to need her room in a couple years. The baby's going to grow out of the computer room in no time."

It seems unthinkable right now, that they'll not only have a child, but that said child will get bigger and bigger, until they take over Octavia's room, until they won't want to be in the house at all. Somehow, in less that twenty-five years, Bellamy is going to be doing this all over again, worrying about what his kid is going to do after they finish college. 

"Yeah," he agrees. "They grow up so fast."

*

By the time Octavia is actually graduating, Bellamy's gotten his head screwed on straight enough to be unreservedly proud and happy for her. It should have been a pretty easy bar to clear, of course, but, as Clarke said, he had a stressful month. He had a lot to process in not a lot of time.

Not that Octavia graduating was actually a surprise, but Japan was an unexpected twist, and even without that, it was always going to be a lot. This is his baby sister, all grown up and ready to take on the world.

Both more and less literally than he was expecting; teaching abroad is a pretty lowkey occupation, relatively speaking. She could be doing something way more dangerous and combative. She could have decided join the army or become a professional bodyguard and he wouldn't actually have been surprised. But instead, she's going to another country, having a fucking _adventure_.

It's exactly the kind of thing she felt bad he couldn't have done because he had her, and the second he has the thought, a weight lifts off his shoulders and pieces slide together.

The relief must be visible, because Clarke asks, "Are you okay?"

"I just figured out it's good Octavia is leaving."

"Wow, it only took a month and a half," she teases, but her voice and smile are warm. "What happened?"

"Even before my mom died, I was always--I felt like I was responsible for Octavia, for taking care of the family. That I couldn't just have my own life. I didn't raise O feeling like that. She can just go off and do whatever she wants. Plus, she's kind of following in my footsteps. Teaching."

Clarke leans her head on his shoulder with a smile. "She is. You did a good job, Bellamy."

"You helped."

"I came in when she was pretty much raised and helped get you over the finish line. I'll take partial credit, but she was pretty much set before I came along. You're a good--family member, I guess. That's part of why I married you. I knew that no matter what happened or how everything turned out, you were loyal and kind, and you'd treat me well even if the whole marriage blew up in our faces. That's what made you a good brother, what makes you a good husband, and what's going to make you a good father."

"How long have you been waiting to tell me that one?" he asks, putting his arm around her and kissing her hair.

"Since about a month after we met. It's pretty obvious."

"But not always relevant." The music starts up, indicating the graduates are coming soon, and he lets out a breath. "I still can't believe this is happening."

"Which part?"

"Any of it. My whole life since you told me you wanted to marry me in that coffee shop has seemed fake. And all this stuff--I was so fucking scared everything would go wrong, and everything went right instead."

"Things have gone wrong," Clarke points out, not incorrectly. "But yeah, the general arc of our lives is skewing good, getting better. We got lucky."

It really is something.

"Yeah." He kisses her hair, disentangles himself so he can join the crowd looking for the graduates. This is his sister's day, after all; he and Clarke can be sappy any time. "We really did."


End file.
